Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
