Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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