I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
