Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
