its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
