He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
