I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
