If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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