Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
