census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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