That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
