i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
