pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
