I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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