I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
