So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
