I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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