I feel like abortions should bother me more
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
