Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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