Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
whose ass print is on the piano?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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