He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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