I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
