I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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