i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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