jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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