I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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