never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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