oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
