woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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