Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
