lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
