You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize