sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
