Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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