ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
