Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize