I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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