I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
