I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize