I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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