There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
