And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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