My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
