I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
