i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
