marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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