Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
