i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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