It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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