I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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