Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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