No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
