he thought i was a dude.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
