how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a beard to bite.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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