If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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