I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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