I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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