haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
