Can i not drive my cunt home
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
