Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
