there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
foreskin is a definite game changer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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