I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
