I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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