Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is wine microwaveable?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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