i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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