If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
