I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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