As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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