yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you traded sex for a burrito?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
