I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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